HELL month

It's going to be busy this april since I'm going to take UPCAT and Art Lessons. So I'm just going to spend my time with friends today. Haha

I have been lazy to edit my layout. haha! And I'm tired of my previous layout. So I'll just update sooner or later.. haha

waaahhh~ I think I gained a few pounds. Lol I have been eating in Ilocos. haha They have plenty of hearty foods there so I can't resist eating hehe. And now I'm back in Manila, my eating habits are back to normal.

I am simply annoyed by people, I don't know why but I'm just irritated with them maybe because panda and me haven't seen each other.. *how sad...lol* Anyway I'm still not over with you-know-who but I'm still alive *darn*.. haha

wiii~ I have finished this book called "Deception Point" by Dan Brown. At first I can't understand it much haha *maybe because of my IQ haha* Anyway its great. I can't wait to read another book. Harry Potter, here comes me.. haha


till next time cheerio!!~

Summer

It has been a long time since I typed down my thoughts... Maybe I should type more cheerfully so I wont get affected by it... I want to be happeeh~

I made up with my seatmate and we're friends agian but not that close anymore. As usual,the girl who pissed me off didn't say sorry but she did ignored me like I did, good for her... or whatever.. >-<

I'ts summer and I just want to spend time with my friends. But regretfully I got grounded. Well I did deserved it, really I did. So I'm taking up art lessons, UPCAT and Kumon... gakk~ good bye relaxation and vacation, hello work.

I just finished this anime series "Maria sama ga miteru", O-O nobody told that it was addicting... lol... anyway I already finished the OVA 1 and 2 so Maria sama ga miteru spring here I come.. XD.. And maybe I'll start to watch Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito and Elfen lied... hehe

/i wish to be the greatest tyrant the world has ever seen! @-@

My Grief

And alas with great grief, all of me is a tragedy.
Broken into million pieces, hurt and wounded
Everyday of my life searching of what was there.
An explanation which is unreachable?
And where my life is gone and have chosen?
‘tis painful and somber but it has vanquished me in a forever imprisonment of which I can’t be liberated upon
Mine is not now nor forever be
How hard I try not even a mere glance will I come across
Your face full of laughter is mocking my every existence of not having you
And having you is only possible in a mere dream
and there it would only be fitting
Only there I find joy and glee but sadly it is only pretend, such a pathetic dream

The greatest mistake I’ve ever committed is loving you deeply
And without thinking, that is to be uneasy
Good-bye without protest is such a great burden
And even without you means I would be incomplete
So even so I can't be with you. And I will be suffering in this disease forever.
Sorry because I can't forget you. I just want to say I love you.

Empty

by: Miki Kaimo
All alone, my heart and soul are empty
My everything is nothing, with wrath and misery.
I kept looking for happiness
Yet all I found was sadness
My nights were unfeeling,
My days were tiring.
Then one day I fell in love
Now my nothing became something
My heart is wishing,
And my soul is willing.
Then one day, my heart collapsed
‘cause I found out he love someone else
Again, my heart and soul became empty
My something came back to nothing, now full of wrath and misery
I gave up looking for happiness
Because I only found sorrow and sadness
All of this were nightmares
All that happiness I felt, were mere disguises
I can no longer love anymore
Because I don’t to hurt myself once more..

gag me.slit my throat.throw me.take my heart

I dreamt that I was drowning and was gasping for air. I wished that I could float to the surface, then I woke up. I found tears in my eyes as I got out of the bed. I was crying myself to sleep again, maybe that was why I kept having this nightmares. I didn't eat meals today. Maybe starving to death would be a good idea.

While doing some notes in school, a friend keeps on texting but I don't mind the company. I needed one because I am getting bored with life. I still waste my time with stupid things. I can't help it, it makes me feel good. And it helps me forget things that I am bitter with.

I am still at war with this girl and my seatmate. They are so hateful. I don't care anymore. I wish they would all go away.

I tried sleeping pills. It helped me sleep. Sleeping is my only escape from this ugly world.

Sometimes death becomes a dream to people like me.

JS Prom

The JS prom was very successful. And was really fun. To tell you the truth, it was unnerving really. I sat all night looking at the people having fun on the dance floor. And that was it...some fun, e?
Then during the sweet dance, I said to myself, if he doesn't dance with me it would be all over. I have to forget him but I feel that I will eat up my words because its hard. And the thought of it, makes me cry. Good thing I didn't cry that night. And I saw a girl crying to. I immediately knew why.
Why is it that boys always hurts girls? Is it because girls often fall in love, and that girls can fall deep? I wish that I could have a stone for a heart. That way i won't get hurt again.

Valentines day

I may be late for it. But Happy Valentines Day to everyone.
That day I cried the whole morning at school. Everybody looked at me strangely. Damn them. What do they care anyway. I really detest Valentines day.
Everything just poured down on me.

My parent's annulment was denied, even though my dad abandoned us for 8 years and maybe having an affair right now, and my mom did everything that stupid court told her to do. She even published in the newspaper so that my "so-called" father would appear in court.. Where's the logic in that, e?

My loathsome seatmate got all angry with me and I don't know what I did to him. He told me that there was nothing wrong but anyone will notice if someone is angry with him/her. I don't care either. What does he have to say? He has no looks nor brains. And he even has that bad attitude that will make you kill him. I say go to hell.

And there is one girl at school. What a kind a****** friend she is. Such a plastic, that schoolmate of mine. I pity her. And she got angry because of a stupid front seat. And she said "such a feeler." to my back. What a nice thing to say, e? I may be flamming her here but I can't take it anymore. I have been quiet about this for months and she wont even let it go. She backstabs me all this time. Wait till her friends get a load of what she tells about them. That will blow them up.. lol Sadly I'm not like her. I won't tell. Maybe I'm such a push-over because I never tell. By the way, I resigned to that school bus and I'm have been commuting home.
Someone said that I'm morbid. But I don't care, really. It's fun.
That day too, I saw my love with his girlfriend. Oh, what a painful sight. It just added to my anger. Everyone around me tried to comfort me. Thank you for that. And with that I don't like him that much anymore, rather, my love just turned to hate.
I think differently again. I became cheerful, but know I'm back to my miserable self again. As for now, I'll try to be with myself more, distance to people who does not care about me and to those "so-called" friends.
But damn I just so bitter with all of what's happening in my life. Life sucks really. I wish there was a reset button or some kinda another world, a world without emotions that I can run to. So that I can't feel this stupid feelings anymore.