The depths of my deep dark mind

love is an evil creature that eats up your heart...

2007-08-17T04:05:00.000-07:00

music mood: really floaty feeling...

Hey, hey, I know it wasn't New York

Where I lost my mind.

Hey, hey, I know I must have left it

It was back home all the time.

And where were you while we lay

So drunk that we died?

Hey, Hey, I know, but who could blame us?

Under pressure

And I know

I should have stayed in bed.

Hey, hey, I know it's just a toothache

I won't even cry.

Hey, hey, the candy store prescriptions

All lined up in the aisles.

And where were you while we lay

Shipwrecked in denial?

Hey, hey, it's just a little pill to help you

Sleep right through the night.

I should have stayed in bed.

And I know

I should have stayed in bed.

I know I should have stayed in bed because

Tomorrow's gonna be another party.

You stay too long until the lights get lonely.

Oh, tomorrow's gonna be another party

Wait too long til we

All stay out of the sun.

Sun.

I know, I know, it wasn't New York

There I go again, emoting till my heart fall from it's place... lol

Just finished a lot of things, sorry I haven't updated much...

but im here ^-^

I started listening to metal more, much fun, it is.. It's like i have this black, spinny, bloody, deadly, evi-ish being inside that is just waiting to burst out in the open.. well enough of that...

hehe darn so much to do in school, it's like when you pile it all up it could be a height as mt.everest, kidding aside..

I am in so much dilamma right now, i wish it would all go away..

But i manage to occupy myself really..

Oh, i wish i could tell him how i really feel...
humff...

that's all..

i dunno what to say... >-<

toodles..

BOHOL

2007-05-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

hehe i'm back, back from the beautiful beaches of bohol.. lol

thank you to the people who greeted me.. XD

too bad it's raining in manila... XC

Stolen.. clearly it is..

2007-05-22T02:35:00.000-07:00

SONG MOOD:

We watch the season pull up its own stakes,

And catch the last weekend of the last week,

Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced.

Another sun soaked season fades away.

You have stolen my heart.

Invitation only grand farewells.

Crash the best one, of the best ones.

Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight.

You have stolen my heart.

And from the bar room floor we are a celebration.

One good stretch before our hibernation.

Our dreams assured and we all will sleep well, sleep well.

Sleep well, sleep well, sleep well.

You have stolen,

You have stolen my heart.

I watch you spin around in your highest heels.

You are the best one, of the best ones.

We all look like we feel.

You have stolen my,

You have stolen my ♥.

Wow I have been into songs lately.. *i am now drowning myself in music to numb my aching heart. so that i can't hear it complain anymore..*

well my BDAY celebration is done but my BDAY is yet to come yay! haha I AM getting OLDER lol. anyway, last night when i was talking to my friend*badette* i suddenly missed/remembered him *panda*. that was why i was unable to have a sound sleep last night... hehe i just slept when i woke up... *huh?*

hehe anyway.. i have an another dilemma you see.. i realllyy want to cosplay but i don't have money *molla XD* yet... ackk~ i wish mom is going to buy me goth loli clothes *crosses finger* XD

i also had my myspace and DA updated...

WUSHUU~ yay for yi pirates hehe

courtesy of Miss Ceres here. who absolutely bugged me to watched pirates of the carribean, had not wasted her effort... lol i loved it..savvy?.. thanks mate!XD arr

fan crazy

2007-05-16T05:19:00.000-07:00

phew! I have been a very busy fan this week haha! Currently I'm into Tomoko Kawase's music.. lol she makes me sing "lonely in gorgeous yeahh~" haha.

anyway.. I'm really happy to say that we have only one more session left in UPCAT*college review* yay! haha I am finally going to be free... lol.. And I'm looking forward to mah birthday..*ahemgiftahemitsahemnextahemweekahem* lol

Gozen reiji tobidashita

Tobira wo kettobashite

Garasu no kutsu ga warete

DORESU (dress) mo yabureta

Nee akirete iru deshou?

Oikakete mo konai

Namida ga afurete mou hashirenai wa

JERASHII (jealousy) kamo...SE-TSU-NA-I...!!

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party night...I'm Breaking my heart

Ima sugu mitsukete dakishimete hoshii

HEDDORAITO (headlight) ga hikaru

...where are you Bad boy?

Ai no SUKAAFU de namida wo fuite

Nani mo mienai

Hoshikuzu wo kaki atsume

Anata ni butsuketai

Naze kamau no?

Jibun shika aisenai kuse ni...

Shitsuren kamo...MAJI nano...?!

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party time...umaranai

Anata ga inai to karappo no sekai

Yume no tsuzuki ga mitai

"I miss you Bad boy"

Kirameki no naka ni tojikomenaide

Kowarete shimau wa

"Lonely in Gorgeous"

I'm Breaking my heart

Where are you Bad boy?

"Lonely in Party night"

"Lonely in Gorgeous"

I'm Breaking my heart

I miss you Bad boy

"Lonely in Party time"

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party night...waraenai

Nani mo iranai tada soba ni ite

"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...

Party night...

I'm Breaking my heart

Anata ga nokoshita kirameki no hako no naka de

Kodoku wo daite ugokenai

Nani mo iranai no tada soba ni ite

Hizamazuite watashi wo mite

Ai wo chikatte
♥

Strawberry Panic (anime)

2007-05-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

hehe I just finished this series and all i can say is.. I LOVE IT!! hehe You got to love this shoujo-ai. There is drama, fun, and the plot is good. I'll give it a two-thumbs up review.. *wink wink*

haha I haven't updated much.. lol I'm kinda busy. gomenasai.
haha I can't get over this anime.. lol and I found this song that I think is suited to the anime.. haha

This was an accident

Not the kind where sirens sound

Never even noticed

We're suddenly crumbling

Tell me how you've never felt

Delicate or innocent

Do you still have doubts that

Us having faith makes any sense

Tell me nothing ever counts

Lashing out or breaking down

Still somebody loses 'cause

There's no way to turn around

Staring at your photograph

Everything now in the past

Never felt so lonely I

Wish that you could show me love

Chorus:

Show me love, show me love, show me love

Show me love, show me love

'Til you open the door

Show me love, show me love, show me love

Show me love, show me love

'Til I'm up off the floor

Show me love, show me love, show me love

Show me love, show me love

'Til it's inside my pores

Show me love, show me love, show me love

Show me love, show me love

'Til I'm screaming for more

Random acts of mindlessness

Commonplace occurrences

Chances and surprises

Another state of consciousness

Tell me nothing ever counts

Lashing out or breaking down

Still somebody loses 'cause

There's no way to turn around

Tell me how you've never felt

Delicate or innocent

Do you still have doubts that

Us having faith makes any sense

You play games, I play tricks

Girls and girls, but you're the one

Like a game of pick-up-sticks

Played by fuckin' lunatics

(repeat chorus)

Show me love, show me love

Give me all that I want

Show me love, show me love

Give me all that I want

Show me love, show me love

Give me all that I want

Show me love, show me love

'Till I'm screaming for more

*lol happiness...♥

The making of a killing machine...

2007-04-17T00:27:00.000-07:00

Hi my name is Julianne.

I'm 16 years old.

I'm a straight-A student in a private school.

I am talented. I love arts, I act, I can play sports, and even play chess!

I help in charities, giving donations to the poor, and helping others in sight.

But I have a big problem in spite of my perfect happy life.

I fell in love.

And his name is Daniel.

For the first time, I felt so bright, happy and gay.

Then it all went to gray.

When saw him with her last May.

My heart shattered to pieces.

Tears fall from these eyes because of Daniel.

I tried to stop it but it managed to trickle out of my eye sockets.

At first I never really thought that I would miss him, but here I am, crying myself crazy.

I wish that I could die so that I wont feel this pain of not him having by my side.

I kept on wondering if he felt the same way.

Sorrow swirled into the dark spaces of my mind.

I want to be free,

to be happy,

to be jovial,

but then the agonizing pain that he had inflicted into my heart

has destroyed anything that was glad.

I thought it will all go away if I put myself to end.

These wounds was left on my skin

when I stabbed myself again and again,

and my blood has seeped through my darkened soul

petrifying anything that is good left in me.

Still after that I was still alive.

Hurting my self on the outside,

I guess didn't work,

Because I can still feel the pain in my heart.

I tried to kill it.

But now I don't think I could.

I kept on wondering how,

how I could make it dissappear.

And then I heard a voice in my head

Whispering to me that she has a brilliant idea

She told me to follow Daniel, and bring a knife

Then stab him with all my might

She says that if he was gone,

I wouldn't feel hurt

'Now wouldn't that be nice?' I thought

I got ecstatic and got out of my mind

I ran to the kitchen to get myself a knife

I thought if I lacerate him it would be a delight

"No more you, No more pain,

If I kill you again and again!"

With a little hope growing in my broken heart

I went to him, still clasping my knife

I bashed Daniel as hard as I could

Then blood came gushing out

I splattered on my face

And it spread all over my clothes

Blood was all over me.

I can't explain what I felt

First I felt guilty,

Then I felt sorry

and then felt content

Like a little girl opening a gift

Then she whispered to me again

Congratulating my good deed

and for a job well done

She asked me if it was satisfying

I told her it was, it was satisfying indeed

She pointed at that girl

And told me to kill her too

Slash! And she died

She pointed and pointed

and pointed and pointed

And just as I was told,

I killed everyone and I had never felt that cold

But it was amusing

amusing to see blood

...fear

.....pain

and sorrow from their faces

as I bash them with my pointy knife.

And I was soaking with blood..

so washed myself, cleaned my knife and my clothes,

but I can still smell the stench of blood on my hands

I wondered why I couldn't get it off.

After everyone I know died that night

I felt alone but I wasn't guilty

I heard sirens outside my house after that

they were just checking if I was okay.

They did not stop me because I was a minor

it is because they never really thought

That a perfect, smart, good girl could even hurt a fly.

They said I was just framed because many were jealous of me

I was never put me to jail or any correction facility

They were even sorry because my parents died.

Little did they know that I killed them.

I was the one who put them to their graves.

Of course I will not tell, I don't want to be in a filthy jail.

I acted like it was a grand school play, then I stabbed the policeman.

He died before he could reach his gun.

And I stabbed his dog.

I got angry to the old man, because he tried to cry for help and he wouldn't be quiet

so I made his death special, I took the gun and shot him instead.

Everything went silent

And I started to have these illusions and flashbacks

My head was throbbing because of the voices I hear

Screaming... begging... and crying for mercy... from them people I killed so effortlessly.

And I thought that I was going mad, I still want to kill someone.

I want to kill more!

Then I felt this aching pain on my back.

It was burning my skin.

Blood shot out off my mouth, and there I lay on the ground.

And It was Daniel who shot me.

I thought he was dead.

He told me that he just passed out when I stabbed him on his bed.

I stared at his face. And noticed it was full of disgust.

He said he wished he never knew me.

He told me that he regretted being my friend.

Tears trickled from my face again.

I never ever felt this sad.

I noticed that everything is turning dark.

Then I died.

Daniel lived happily after 'that' incedent.

And no one ever heard, or saw me again.

But they remembered me as a Cold-blooded Murderer.

My spirit was never put to rest.

And maybe if I'm lucky.

I'll be able to kill again.

And I know who it will be..

*the characters in the story are not real, it is made by my imagination*

by: Miki Kaimo

*to see more drawings like this.. CLICK HERE!XD *

QUIZ!

2007-04-13T01:35:00.000-07:00

waahh~ I got hooked up on quizzes that it took my precious anime-watching-time-on-youtube on it.. lol

Here is one:

Are you a Black Angel?(Anime pixs)

Like me your a black angel
Take this quiz!

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and another one:

Is Your Soul Dead?(Pixs)

It's sad cuz your soul is dead.You don't seem to feel any emotions and if you do it must be pain ,saddness and sorrow.To feel like this sum thing bad must to have happen to you,but still remember that there is hope ou there for you
Take this quiz!

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well you get the point... hehe

What Death Note Character Are You??(Pixs)

You are Misa.You dress like a goth but your personality is nothing like it.With your Death Note you'll to anything you can to help your beloved Light.
Take this quiz!

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What are you? (gothic,preppy,jock,geek,emo,ect.)

You scored gothic.Death,pain,suicide,and satan talks to you.You care nothing about anyone.Every one else besides you has putrid hating souls.
Take this quiz!

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Are you a Prep, a Poser, a Emo, a Druggy, a Loser, or a Slut( for girls only)

Your a Emo person!
Take this quiz!

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damn it... i hate the picture but I'll still friggin post it tho~

What kind of yuri\shoujo-ai lover are you?

You're subtext shoujo-ai lover! You're the silent one, almost too subtle to see. Only people who look can find you're love. You're a little too shy. As long as you're comfortable with the pace of your relashionships I guess that's fine. (People often confuse your love for friendship)
Take this quiz!

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im tired... hehe ok then... ja ne~!

HELL month

2007-04-10T22:01:00.000-07:00

It's going to be busy this april since I'm going to take UPCAT and Art Lessons. So I'm just going to spend my time with friends today. Haha

I have been lazy to edit my layout. haha! And I'm tired of my previous layout. So I'll just update sooner or later.. haha

waaahhh~ I think I gained a few pounds. Lol I have been eating in Ilocos. haha They have plenty of hearty foods there so I can't resist eating hehe. And now I'm back in Manila, my eating habits are back to normal.

I am simply annoyed by people, I don't know why but I'm just irritated with them maybe because panda and me haven't seen each other.. *how sad...lol* Anyway I'm still not over with you-know-who but I'm still alive *darn*.. haha

wiii~ I have finished this book called "Deception Point" by Dan Brown. At first I can't understand it much haha *maybe because of my IQ haha* Anyway its great. I can't wait to read another book. Harry Potter, here comes me.. haha

till next time cheerio!!~

Summer

2007-04-03T01:09:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I typed down my thoughts... Maybe I should type more cheerfully so I wont get affected by it... I want to be happeeh~

I made up with my seatmate and we're friends agian but not that close anymore. As usual,the girl who pissed me off didn't say sorry but she did ignored me like I did, good for her... or whatever.. >-<

I'ts summer and I just want to spend time with my friends. But regretfully I got grounded. Well I did deserved it, really I did. So I'm taking up art lessons, UPCAT and Kumon... gakk~ good bye relaxation and vacation, hello work.

I just finished this anime series "Maria sama ga miteru", O-O nobody told that it was addicting... lol... anyway I already finished the OVA 1 and 2 so Maria sama ga miteru spring here I come.. XD.. And maybe I'll start to watch Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito and Elfen lied... hehe

/i wish to be the greatest tyrant the world has ever seen! @-@

My Grief

2007-02-24T03:51:00.000-08:00

And alas with great grief, all of me is a tragedy.
Broken into million pieces, hurt and wounded
Everyday of my life searching of what was there.
An explanation which is unreachable?
And where my life is gone and have chosen?
‘tis painful and somber but it has vanquished me in a forever imprisonment of which I can’t be liberated upon
Mine is not now nor forever be
How hard I try not even a mere glance will I come across
Your face full of laughter is mocking my every existence of not having you
And having you is only possible in a mere dream
and there it would only be fitting
Only there I find joy and glee but sadly it is only pretend, such a pathetic dream

The greatest mistake I’ve ever committed is loving you deeply
And without thinking, that is to be uneasy
Good-bye without protest is such a great burden
And even without you means I would be incomplete
So even so I can't be with you. And I will be suffering in this disease forever.
Sorry because I can't forget you. I just want to say I love you.

Empty

2007-02-24T03:50:00.000-08:00

by: Miki Kaimo
All alone, my heart and soul are empty
My everything is nothing, with wrath and misery.
I kept looking for happiness
Yet all I found was sadness
My nights were unfeeling,
My days were tiring.
Then one day I fell in love
Now my nothing became something
My heart is wishing,
And my soul is willing.
Then one day, my heart collapsed
‘cause I found out he love someone else
Again, my heart and soul became empty
My something came back to nothing, now full of wrath and misery
I gave up looking for happiness
Because I only found sorrow and sadness
All of this were nightmares
All that happiness I felt, were mere disguises
I can no longer love anymore
Because I don’t to hurt myself once more..

gag me.slit my throat.throw me.take my heart

2007-02-24T03:25:00.000-08:00

I dreamt that I was drowning and was gasping for air. I wished that I could float to the surface, then I woke up. I found tears in my eyes as I got out of the bed. I was crying myself to sleep again, maybe that was why I kept having this nightmares. I didn't eat meals today. Maybe starving to death would be a good idea.

While doing some notes in school, a friend keeps on texting but I don't mind the company. I needed one because I am getting bored with life. I still waste my time with stupid things. I can't help it, it makes me feel good. And it helps me forget things that I am bitter with.

I am still at war with this girl and my seatmate. They are so hateful. I don't care anymore. I wish they would all go away.

I tried sleeping pills. It helped me sleep. Sleeping is my only escape from this ugly world.

Sometimes death becomes a dream to people like me.

JS Prom

2007-02-22T20:06:00.000-08:00

The JS prom was very successful. And was really fun. To tell you the truth, it was unnerving really. I sat all night looking at the people having fun on the dance floor. And that was it...some fun, e?
Then during the sweet dance, I said to myself, if he doesn't dance with me it would be all over. I have to forget him but I feel that I will eat up my words because its hard. And the thought of it, makes me cry. Good thing I didn't cry that night. And I saw a girl crying to. I immediately knew why.
Why is it that boys always hurts girls? Is it because girls often fall in love, and that girls can fall deep? I wish that I could have a stone for a heart. That way i won't get hurt again.

Valentines day

2007-02-17T00:40:00.000-08:00

I may be late for it. But Happy Valentines Day to everyone.
That day I cried the whole morning at school. Everybody looked at me strangely. Damn them. What do they care anyway. I really detest Valentines day.
Everything just poured down on me.

My parent's annulment was denied, even though my dad abandoned us for 8 years and maybe having an affair right now, and my mom did everything that stupid court told her to do. She even published in the newspaper so that my "so-called" father would appear in court.. Where's the logic in that, e?

My loathsome seatmate got all angry with me and I don't know what I did to him. He told me that there was nothing wrong but anyone will notice if someone is angry with him/her. I don't care either. What does he have to say? He has no looks nor brains. And he even has that bad attitude that will make you kill him. I say go to hell.

And there is one girl at school. What a kind a****** friend she is. Such a plastic, that schoolmate of mine. I pity her. And she got angry because of a stupid front seat. And she said "such a feeler." to my back. What a nice thing to say, e? I may be flamming her here but I can't take it anymore. I have been quiet about this for months and she wont even let it go. She backstabs me all this time. Wait till her friends get a load of what she tells about them. That will blow them up.. lol Sadly I'm not like her. I won't tell. Maybe I'm such a push-over because I never tell. By the way, I resigned to that school bus and I'm have been commuting home.
Someone said that I'm morbid. But I don't care, really. It's fun.
That day too, I saw my love with his girlfriend. Oh, what a painful sight. It just added to my anger. Everyone around me tried to comfort me. Thank you for that. And with that I don't like him that much anymore, rather, my love just turned to hate.
I think differently again. I became cheerful, but know I'm back to my miserable self again. As for now, I'll try to be with myself more, distance to people who does not care about me and to those "so-called" friends.
But damn I just so bitter with all of what's happening in my life. Life sucks really. I wish there was a reset button or some kinda another world, a world without emotions that I can run to. So that I can't feel this stupid feelings anymore.

Coin-operated boy

2007-02-16T23:52:00.000-08:00

Coin operated boy
Sitting on the shelf
He is just a toy
But I turn him on and he comes to life
Automatic joy that is why I want
A coin operated boy
Made of plastic and elastic he is rugged and longlasting
Who could ever ever ask for more?
Love without complications galore
Many shapes and weights to chose from
I will never leave my bedroomI
will never cry at night again
Wrap my arms around him and pretend.
Coin operated boy
All the other real ones that I destroy
Cannot hold a candle to my new boy
and I'll Never let him go, and I'll never be alone, and I'll never let him go,and I'll never be alone, go, and I'll never be alone, go, and I'll never be alone, go,
and I'll never be alone go, and I'll never be alone, not with my coin operated boy.
This bridge was written to make you feel smitten and with my sad picture of girl getting bittereroh can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
I didn't think so but im still convincible
oh will you persist even after I bet you a million dollars that I'll never love you
and will you persist even after I kiss you
goodbye for the last time will you be tryingto prove it im dying.
To lose it im losing my confidence
I want it I want it I want it I want it
I want to I want to I want to I want to
I want you I want you I want you I want you i want a I want a I want a I want a Coin operated boy.
And if i has a start to wish on for my life I can't imagine any flesh and blood could be this match.
I can even take him in the bath
Coin operated boy he may not be real experienced with girls
But I know he feels like a boy should feel Isn't that the point
That is why I want a coin operated boy
With a pretty coin opereated voice saying that he loves me that he's thinking of me
straight and to the point that is why I want a coin operated boy.

by: The Dresden Dolls

This song suited what I feel right now. Someone who will not hurt you and will be always there with you, would be nice. Everybody says that I should forget about him. But it is so hard on my part. Why does it have to like this. I cried again last night. I guess I am just a nobody to you, right?

There I go again...

2007-02-16T23:26:00.000-08:00

Again I go unnoticed. Love is so bitter for someone like me. Everytime I love someone, it always ends up the same.By the way, I saw you with her. It was a very painful scene. I tried not to look but I can't help to gaze at you as I ride the tricycle home. You were really happy with her. Well, who am I to be so jealous? I am not even your girl, right?As I pass through these corridors, I thought of how would it be if I were in her place. But then, here I am contradicting with my thoughts, if I were to tell you what I really feel. I guess I'm not really for you. Across the suites of my sanctuary, I felt a stabbing pain in heart. My mind is telling me to give you up, but deep inside my heart its really hard.I don't want to think about it but it keeps on bugging me while I walk through these empty doors of my wounded heart. I tried to cry myself to sleep. But your laughter kept ringing through my ears. I just can't think straight anymore.