My Grief

And alas with great grief, all of me is a tragedy.
Broken into million pieces, hurt and wounded
Everyday of my life searching of what was there.
An explanation which is unreachable?
And where my life is gone and have chosen?
‘tis painful and somber but it has vanquished me in a forever imprisonment of which I can’t be liberated upon
Mine is not now nor forever be
How hard I try not even a mere glance will I come across
Your face full of laughter is mocking my every existence of not having you
And having you is only possible in a mere dream
and there it would only be fitting
Only there I find joy and glee but sadly it is only pretend, such a pathetic dream

The greatest mistake I’ve ever committed is loving you deeply
And without thinking, that is to be uneasy
Good-bye without protest is such a great burden
And even without you means I would be incomplete
So even so I can't be with you. And I will be suffering in this disease forever.
Sorry because I can't forget you. I just want to say I love you.

Empty

by: Miki Kaimo
All alone, my heart and soul are empty
My everything is nothing, with wrath and misery.
I kept looking for happiness
Yet all I found was sadness
My nights were unfeeling,
My days were tiring.
Then one day I fell in love
Now my nothing became something
My heart is wishing,
And my soul is willing.
Then one day, my heart collapsed
‘cause I found out he love someone else
Again, my heart and soul became empty
My something came back to nothing, now full of wrath and misery
I gave up looking for happiness
Because I only found sorrow and sadness
All of this were nightmares
All that happiness I felt, were mere disguises
I can no longer love anymore
Because I don’t to hurt myself once more..

gag me.slit my throat.throw me.take my heart

I dreamt that I was drowning and was gasping for air. I wished that I could float to the surface, then I woke up. I found tears in my eyes as I got out of the bed. I was crying myself to sleep again, maybe that was why I kept having this nightmares. I didn't eat meals today. Maybe starving to death would be a good idea.

While doing some notes in school, a friend keeps on texting but I don't mind the company. I needed one because I am getting bored with life. I still waste my time with stupid things. I can't help it, it makes me feel good. And it helps me forget things that I am bitter with.

I am still at war with this girl and my seatmate. They are so hateful. I don't care anymore. I wish they would all go away.

I tried sleeping pills. It helped me sleep. Sleeping is my only escape from this ugly world.

Sometimes death becomes a dream to people like me.

JS Prom

The JS prom was very successful. And was really fun. To tell you the truth, it was unnerving really. I sat all night looking at the people having fun on the dance floor. And that was it...some fun, e?
Then during the sweet dance, I said to myself, if he doesn't dance with me it would be all over. I have to forget him but I feel that I will eat up my words because its hard. And the thought of it, makes me cry. Good thing I didn't cry that night. And I saw a girl crying to. I immediately knew why.
Why is it that boys always hurts girls? Is it because girls often fall in love, and that girls can fall deep? I wish that I could have a stone for a heart. That way i won't get hurt again.

Valentines day

I may be late for it. But Happy Valentines Day to everyone.
That day I cried the whole morning at school. Everybody looked at me strangely. Damn them. What do they care anyway. I really detest Valentines day.
Everything just poured down on me.

My parent's annulment was denied, even though my dad abandoned us for 8 years and maybe having an affair right now, and my mom did everything that stupid court told her to do. She even published in the newspaper so that my "so-called" father would appear in court.. Where's the logic in that, e?

My loathsome seatmate got all angry with me and I don't know what I did to him. He told me that there was nothing wrong but anyone will notice if someone is angry with him/her. I don't care either. What does he have to say? He has no looks nor brains. And he even has that bad attitude that will make you kill him. I say go to hell.

And there is one girl at school. What a kind a****** friend she is. Such a plastic, that schoolmate of mine. I pity her. And she got angry because of a stupid front seat. And she said "such a feeler." to my back. What a nice thing to say, e? I may be flamming her here but I can't take it anymore. I have been quiet about this for months and she wont even let it go. She backstabs me all this time. Wait till her friends get a load of what she tells about them. That will blow them up.. lol Sadly I'm not like her. I won't tell. Maybe I'm such a push-over because I never tell. By the way, I resigned to that school bus and I'm have been commuting home.
Someone said that I'm morbid. But I don't care, really. It's fun.
That day too, I saw my love with his girlfriend. Oh, what a painful sight. It just added to my anger. Everyone around me tried to comfort me. Thank you for that. And with that I don't like him that much anymore, rather, my love just turned to hate.
I think differently again. I became cheerful, but know I'm back to my miserable self again. As for now, I'll try to be with myself more, distance to people who does not care about me and to those "so-called" friends.
But damn I just so bitter with all of what's happening in my life. Life sucks really. I wish there was a reset button or some kinda another world, a world without emotions that I can run to. So that I can't feel this stupid feelings anymore.

Coin-operated boy

Coin operated boy
Sitting on the shelf
He is just a toy
But I turn him on and he comes to life
Automatic joy that is why I want
A coin operated boy
Made of plastic and elastic he is rugged and longlasting
Who could ever ever ask for more?
Love without complications galore
Many shapes and weights to chose from
I will never leave my bedroomI
will never cry at night again
Wrap my arms around him and pretend.
Coin operated boy
All the other real ones that I destroy
Cannot hold a candle to my new boy
and I'll Never let him go, and I'll never be alone, and I'll never let him go,and I'll never be alone, go, and I'll never be alone, go, and I'll never be alone, go,
and I'll never be alone go, and I'll never be alone, not with my coin operated boy.
This bridge was written to make you feel smitten and with my sad picture of girl getting bittereroh can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
I didn't think so but im still convincible
oh will you persist even after I bet you a million dollars that I'll never love you
and will you persist even after I kiss you
goodbye for the last time will you be tryingto prove it im dying.
To lose it im losing my confidence
I want it I want it I want it I want it
I want to I want to I want to I want to
I want you I want you I want you I want you i want a I want a I want a I want a Coin operated boy.
And if i has a start to wish on for my life I can't imagine any flesh and blood could be this match.
I can even take him in the bath
Coin operated boy he may not be real experienced with girls
But I know he feels like a boy should feel Isn't that the point
That is why I want a coin operated boy
With a pretty coin opereated voice saying that he loves me that he's thinking of me
straight and to the point that is why I want a coin operated boy.

by: The Dresden Dolls

This song suited what I feel right now. Someone who will not hurt you and will be always there with you, would be nice. Everybody says that I should forget about him. But it is so hard on my part. Why does it have to like this. I cried again last night. I guess I am just a nobody to you, right?

There I go again...

Again I go unnoticed. Love is so bitter for someone like me. Everytime I love someone, it always ends up the same.By the way, I saw you with her. It was a very painful scene. I tried not to look but I can't help to gaze at you as I ride the tricycle home. You were really happy with her. Well, who am I to be so jealous? I am not even your girl, right?As I pass through these corridors, I thought of how would it be if I were in her place. But then, here I am contradicting with my thoughts, if I were to tell you what I really feel. I guess I'm not really for you. Across the suites of my sanctuary, I felt a stabbing pain in heart. My mind is telling me to give you up, but deep inside my heart its really hard.I don't want to think about it but it keeps on bugging me while I walk through these empty doors of my wounded heart. I tried to cry myself to sleep. But your laughter kept ringing through my ears. I just can't think straight anymore.